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Week 5 Story: Ray's Vault


A wealthy man named Ray lived in New York City in the penthouse of a tall building. This man was well known and respected throughout the entire city. Ray had so many riches, he decided he needed to keep them secure. He hired a team of builders to construct a strong, secure vault in a nearby building. While working on the project, one of the builders secretly wrote down the code for the vault and hid it away.

A while after the vault was complete, the man became very ill and realized he would not live much longer. Shortly before he died, he gave the code to his two sons, giving them instructions on how to get into the vault. Their father passed, and realizing they needed a source of income, the brothers decided it was time to go to the vault. One night, they snuck into the vault and took enough treasure to last them a while. Ray entered the vault the next day and was shocked by what he found! He had no idea how someone could have entered and escaped his vault without leaving a trace. In case the thief returned, Ray put superglue on the floor inside the vault so that if anyone entered, they would become stuck.

A few nights later, the brothers returned to steal more from the vault. One brother entered and immediately became stuck. He told his brother, "There is not point in both of us getting caught. I have no chance of escaping, so leave me here. When they find me in the morning, they will try to get me to confess how I have entered. So I cannot tell them, find the strongest tape you can and stick it over my mouth."

When the free brother stuck the tape over the trapped brother's mouth, his foot caught on the sticky glue. When he stepped up, his shoe stuck and would not come off. He was forced to leave his shoe behind as he left, trying to think of ways to save his brother.

The next day the brother in the vault was caught and would not confess anything to the security guards who caught him. Ray wanted to know who the lonely shoe belonged to, so he had his guards sit outside with the captured brother in hopes that his brother would return to save him. The free brother returned the next night under the guise of bringing food to the hungry guards. After eating, they all fell asleep from sleeping medicine that had been slipped into the meal.

Ray wanted to know who was smart enough to enter his vault twice, steal his treasure, and reclaim his brother. He sent his daughter to court the young men in the city and try to get the thief to confess. She eventually met the brother who had escaped. She asked him what the most cunning thing he had ever done is. Believing she was as sneaky as he, he told her of all his recent adventures. She reached to grab him and capture him, but the brother was too quick and slipped away.

Ray was impressed by this man who had cheated him multiple times. He put out an advertisement to the entire city asking to speak to the thief who had stolen from him, promising that he would not be punished in any way. When the brother went to meet Ray, he ran into Ray's daughter, whom he had fallen in love with. Ray accepted the brother into their family, and was happy his daughter found a man who was so smart.


Author's Note: I chose to retell the story of "The Tale of King Rhampsinitus." In this story, two brothers steal from an Egyptian king's chambers. I chose to change the ending of the trapped brother; in the original story, he has his brother behead him so he will not be killed or identified the next day. I wanted to make the story a little lighter, so I changed what happened when the brother is trapped. I used much of the same story structure, but changed details such as the setting, the wealthy man's name, and how the brother gets past the guards. 

 Story source: Egyptian Myth and Legend by Donald Mackenzie (1907)
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Comments

  1. KathySeptember 23, 2018 at 4:21 PM

    Okay, I'm completely confused. I thought Ray was the rich man that had the vault built & then died? How is he still alive to be trying to catch his sons & he had given them the code, so if it was them & their father had died, they really weren't stealing from the vault, the money was theirs for the taking anyway, right? And in that case, the daughter would be the sister of the sons, right? Maybe I just read that completely wrong or maybe you didn't get the names of the vault maker and the father different? In any case, the thief should have been the vault maker, not the sons, right? Again, maybe I just didn't keep up with the characters correctly & the confusion is all mine & not on the part of the story. It was a good story, I'm just confused on the characters is all.

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  2. UnknownSeptember 23, 2018 at 5:18 PM

    Hi Shae! I liked your changes to this story and agree that it needed to be a little more lighthearted than the original. I am also a little confused as well however, about Ray's character. I think maybe you meant to either create a new character and accidentally called him Ray as well or maybe you forgot that you had originally killed Ray in the beginning. Either way, I liked how you changed your version of the story!

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  3. UnknownSeptember 24, 2018 at 10:14 AM

    Hi Shea! I was really surprised by the ending of your story. I never would have thought that the man would be so forgiving and allow the thief to enter his family. Your story is very creative, I love that he used super glue of all things to trap the thief. I haven't read the original story but I like your version a lot. Great job, can't wait to read more of your stories!

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  4. UnknownSeptember 24, 2018 at 11:55 AM

    Hi Shea! I love the twist that you took on the original story, I always find myself giving a story a lighter ending. My only concern was with Ray's character, the plot of the story was quite interesting however that was one element that left me confused. Did you mean to use him in that way? Regardless, I think this story has great potential for a portfolio if you chose to do that because with a few changes this could be a great tale!

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